Bump Bump Bump-ed

ORLANDO - Orlando International Airport is terrible, terrible in a faded Blade Runner-style exit signs, blueberry Pleather seats and Argyle patterned floor type-way that plagues many American airports. Departing a 757 and walking into the airport for the first time in a decade, I wasn't disappointed by this tired-looking entrance port. I knew it was coming.

I also I wasn't surprised when leaving to see the American Airlines gates (11-20) filled with thousands of harried travelers, crammed between sharp aluminum armrests, watching CNN Airport Edition replay footage of Britney Spears' Tuesday appearance on Letterman. She just got divorced, you see.

There's an announcement. "Attention passengers on American Airlines Flight 815 to Boston. This flight is overbooked and we are currently looking for a few volunteers with flexible travel arrangements to give up their seats. We are offering in compensation a $300 travel voucher and seats on a flight to Boston tomorrow morning, with a stop in Miami, arriving in Boston at 3:30. If you are interested, please come up to the service counter."

I headed toward the counter, scanning the crowd for anyone else willing to torpedo a day of work for $300. I'm traveling abroad soon, you see. I shouldn't have worried. Ten minutes after I handed over my ticket, I heard a familiar voice. "Attention passengers on American Airlines Flight 815 to Boston..."

The announcement repeated every 10 minutes. The airline pushed back the departure time by 20 minutes, although 15 minutes after take-off no one had boarded the plane. They still needed volunteers.

Time cured my sister's sense of obligation to return to Boston College for a Monday lecture. "I suppose I can miss one day of class," she said.

American Airlines doesn't really want to give you $300. They really want to sell additional seats to last-minute customers, who pay between three and 10 times more than people purchasing advance discount fares. Bumping off a few customers at $300 ensures a full, profitable flight.

The money comes with restrictions. "This is just like cash. Don't loose it," the graying attendant said to me as he handed over a ticket-sized piece of paper covered in tiny black ink. "Service Fee May Apply at Time of Redemption," the voucher warned.

I have a feeling I won't be using this $300 for anything productive. For now, I've got a free hotel room in a three-star hotel (not the Ritz, but better than some hostels from the last few months) and a first-class ticket for a flight home tomorrow. Not bad a bad haul from a terrible airport.