When You Gotta Go

BEIJING - I hate Communist showers.

To save energy, all dormitories here provide hot water eight hours a day. From 7 a.m. to 9 a.m., 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. to midnight, the water flows. At other times, the taps provide only water straight from Beijing's underground reserves, which are hundreds of meters below the surface and glacial in temperature.

Once I tried to take a cold water shower, but uncontrollable shivering and heart palpitations convinced me this wasn't a good idea.

So I have to wait before cleaning myself, even if at times like now it can be torturous. It's around noon Beijing time, and I've just woken up from a night out. Here in Beijing, smoking's still legal, so my clothes and hair smell like the Marbolo Man. There's still three hours to wait before I can get rid of last night's gunk.

With some time to kill, I've been pondering the possible benefits of hot water 8 hours a day. Water conservation seems the obvious answer, but I don't think I'm using less water because of the time limit. Now that I know it's limited, I use plenty of water when it's available. Five minute showers sometimes continue for 15.

Previously satisfied with one shower a day, I sometimes sneak back to the shower room for a second round near midnight. I worry that the next day conflicts will arise during shower periods, leaving me rather smelly on day three.

Maybe it's just considered excessive to have hot water available all the time. Eight hours is better than the military, where it can be just 15 minutes. Recently in Lithuania, I went to an ex-KGB prison where inmates were allowed 10 minutes to shower every week. Guards turned the hot and cold water taps on at random, a sadistic game they used to pass long shifts. By comparison, my arrangement seems rather plush.

I've come down with a bit of Princess and the Pea syndrome. Living at Tsinghua is quite cheap and comfortable. There's daily maid service, weekly sheet changing, 24 hour electricity and a sparkling Western toilet. My roommate's friendly and so are the security guards. A bank, supermarket, restaurant, and hair salon all within a five-minute walk. Yes, I pretty much have everything I need here.

But that still doesn't change the fact that the next two hours and 30 minutes are going to suck.